Healing Our Love-Sick Heart – Why Am I Still Heartbroken? Find Out
As you might imagine, I’m asked often by heart-broken clients,
“Why can’t I get over this guy/woman? When am I going to stop crying, obsessing, depressed, and berating myself?! I wake up feeling so hopeless and regretful!”
This is an equal opportunity agony! Age, sex, cultural heritage, religion, profession, and self-confidence are irrelevant. For most, at some time in their lives, they will moan the question,
“Why can’t I get over ___? I dream about them every night, I worry about their welfare, and obsess about them every minute of the day. What is wrong with me!? Am I nuts? …. Are they coming back (I hope!)? Is that why they are constantly on my mind?”
In a desperate move to negotiate an explanation, people jump to irrational conclusions, such as, they knew this person in another life and divine providence has reunited them for another shot at bliss which their deserter has failed to notice YET. This explanation is especially compelling if their meeting was apparently synchronistic, or if they share a psychic connection. I always doubt this interpretation. Usually, when rationality returns, the bereft sees why this explanation is unlikely. Be assured that many in this world would make great life partners for you. There is not only one by any means!
Furthermore, many would suit us far better at different stages in our development. The right partner for me at 20 years old is not the right partner for me necessarily at 40. Many people struggle with this reality. If two people who meet at twenty, remain close with open communication and a combined commitment to grow, the relationship can be even better at 40! Sadly, this is seldom the case.
Primary Emotions
Two primary emotions comprise the trunk of our emotional tree. Fear and love. Other emotions such as joy and anger are like branches and suckers that grow off this dual, primary emotional train. Fear and love are opposites and when we’re vibrantly, mentally healthy we don’t feel them at the same time. If we do, it signals a mental illness that needs special attention and healing. Sado-masochism, co-dependency and self-pity, for example, are symptoms of a mental breakdown when we feel both love and fear simultaneously.
Many mistakenly believe we cannot feel hate and love at the same time, but we can and typically do because they are the flip side of the same emotional coin. We do feel hate towards those we deeply love. Remember how you felt about your parents when you were a teenager?
Love’s Illusions
When we are having difficulty letting go of that forever-after-dream of the love we shared with someone, we are operating under two illusions: One is that you can help that person defeat their limiting, relationship/commitment fears which will open the channels to allow the love to flow back in again. Even utilizing all the power accessible to you in the universe, you cannot make another want to take a risk or make a commitment to you.
People ask me, “What can I (or even better you, Kathleen) do to change their feelings towards me?”
I gently reason, “Hasn’t someone burned hot for you, yet for some mysterious reason their passion left you feeling cold, indifferent, and maybe even, dare I say… a tad repulsed?”
Is there anything your impassioned suitor could have done to ignite or re-ignite your fire? Is there anything they could have said or changed about themselves that would have spurred you to rush into their arms? No? Or better yet, would you want this person to have access to a Magician that could/would alter your feelings towards them? Would you want to wake up one day discovering that your partner has used some magical means to make you love them? Anytime you fantasize about making someone love you back, give this opposite notion some consideration.
Illusion #2
Your love interest is blind to how they feel about you. Once awakened to their true feelings, they’ll be back. There are sly and sneaky people who promise to help you awaken your love interest to their true feelings for you. For a horrendous fee. Some clients have paid appalling amounts of hard-earned money to magicians who promise returned love. Don’t be fooled. No one has the power to make someone love you. Only we have the power to change ourselves, and even that is questionable when we can’t even make ourselves get over someone who doesn’t share our feelings.
You are not abnormal or crazy because you love someone more than they love you. That was the risk you took. Be excited about your bravery, honesty and willingness to be vulnerable. That is the gift of love. By keeping up the faith and giving of yourself so generously and lovingly, another soul will one day catch your light and rush towards its glow with the same abandonment in which you are prepared to give.
The Dream of a Deep and Abiding Intimacy
The desire to connect is powerful in us. It is a hard-wired aspect of our psyche that is linked to survival, reproduction, and safety.
You can help yourself recover from this unrequited love by meditating and praying for their happiness, good health, and spiritual enlightenment. Send them your love (not by texting, NO texting!) One day you’ll awaken and joyfully realize you have moved on. That sexy, sweet, and affectionate person you met the other day…is wondrously taking up more and more of your heart space.
Celebrate your ability to love deeply and unselfishly. It’s a bounty of your abiding and generous spirit. It’s what makes you special. To be chosen to be the conduit of this special love is a divinely inspired gift. Don’t despair! It’s not a sign that you’re crazy but rather one that you’re transformational and enlightened.
Blessings Kathleen
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FAQ – Frequently Asked Questions About Healing Our Love-Sick Heart
Navigating the aftermath of heartbreak can be overwhelming. Here are some common questions and answers to help you on your journey to healing and self-discovery.